Respectfully: Stop Asking for Favors in Your First Message

If you’re reaching out to someone for the first time and your message starts with “Can you refer me?” or “Can I pick your brain?”—I’m going to be honest with you… it’s probably not going to work.

Networking is not about asking. It’s about building.

Think of it like a bank account: you need to make deposits before you can make withdrawals. And most people skip that step entirely.

Instead of leading with an ask, lead with intention. Read their work. Look at their career path. Find something that genuinely stands out to you and tell them. A thoughtful message that says, “I saw your recent post about X and really appreciated your perspective on Y,” will take you so much further than asking for a favor as a complete stranger.

When you approach networking this way, you shift the dynamic. You’re no longer someone asking for something—you’re someone building a connection. And over time, those connections turn into real opportunities.

If you’re not sure how to do this or want help refining your outreach, strategy, or overall networking approach, I work 1:1 with clients to help you show up confidently and intentionally.

You can book a consultation here and let’s build your network the right way.